Forgive Us Our Debts...

In most churches, on most Sundays we repeat the "Lord's Prayer" together. As I have said before, I suspect that we merely mumble these words because we have said them so often.
 
It is worthwhile, therefore, to occasionally take a closer look at what Jesus told his disciples was to be the pattern for all our prayers.

 "Forgive us our debts...Forgive us our trespasses, forgive us our sins…” Three different ways of saying the same thing (?). Webster’s Dictionary defines debt as “something owed, an obligation”. It defines trespass as “a violation of moral or social ethics : transgression”. Sin is “an offense against religious or moral law” and “an action that is or is felt to be highly reprehensible”. NOT the same thing! Perhaps these three words give us a fuller idea of what God wants us to pray for; the attitude God wants us to have.

God tells us to ask for forgiveness as we forgive others - even when they owe us – owe us something material, a favor, or something less definable like respect. God wants us to ask for forgiveness as we forgive others - even when they have transgressed against us, when they have committed a violation of our moral or social ethics. God wants us to ask for forgiveness as we forgive others - even when they have sinned against us, when they have committed an offense against us, even something highly reprehensible.

Phew!

Now praying this part of the Lord’s Prayer is becoming hard work! I am totally convinced that if we are to live healthy, fulfilled lives, understanding and practicing this attitude and behavior is essential. Let me share a couple of real life examples.

I have a friend who became very despondent because of a relationship gone awry. Therapy, loving friendship from others, medication, nothing seemed to be helping. All of this threatened to push her into deeper depression. Then one day my friend came to the conclusion that she needed to begin by forgiving the offending person. The change was remarkable, over a period of time the depression lifted and my friend went on to grow and mature in ways that have astounded me.

My sister and I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. Both our parents had been abused by one of their parents. Our mother had been sexually abused by her father; our father had been severely emotionally abused by his mother. True to form, both our parents became abusers of us, their children – especially my sister.

My sister and I had great anger at things done and not. Our conversations were often a rehearsing the wrongs done to us and the damage we were having to deal with now as adults and as mothers.

Then I learned more about my parents, as I began to learn about and understand the abuse they had suffered, I began to forgive my parents. Slowly my conversations with my sister were, still rehearsals of the abuse done to us, but now with words of forgiveness. It took/has taken us a long time to forgive the injuries done to us, but as we have practiced forgiveness, healing has come for each of us. Now our phone conversations are filled with more laughter than tears. Now we can look back and see that God was present, even in the bad time, that He has used those damaging times to teach us more of Himself.

I have several friends who, whenever we are together, must rehearse the wrongs done to them by someone else (often another family member, but also often another church member, or a coworker). The litany never seems to change, or if it does, the anger just seems to grow. In several cases I can clearly see that the anger they feel, the anger they seem to hug to themselves, is doing real physical damage.

Wikipedia has this to say, in part: “William DeFoore, an anger-management writer, described anger as a pressure cooker: we can only apply pressure against our anger for a certain amount of time until it explodes. Anger may have physical correlates such as increased heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and nonadrenaline”. I have at least one friend whom I think may die soon because he is so angry at his son.

God says that this does not have to be. Forgiveness is the key, and it is really quite simple. But it takes practice!

I find I must first acknowledge that I am in a non-forgiveness state. Then I must ask God’s help to move me to a state of forgiveness. That is usually a process – it can take a long time, and must be done over and over. One of the final results is being able to pray for the person who has trespassed against me, sinned against me, owes me a debt – I can begin to ask God’s blessing on them – without qualifications.

And I am FILLED WITH JOY! Being free of anger, being forgiven, being in a place where I can move on in my getting to know God FILLS ME WITH JOY!

 Is this a permanent state? No, I am a flawed human being, I have to “Practice Forgiveness” over and over and over and over and…. But so far, the exercise has been worth it every time.

May you too, BE FILLED WITH JOY!