Going Home

My husband Bill and I have been on a most interesting journey these past seven months.

When Bill retired (his second retirement) from the ministry at the end of May, it was recommended by our denomination that we absent ourselves from the country church he had pastored for the past 7 years - for at least a year. This is to give the new pastor a change to establish herself without feeling like the “old” pastor was ever looking over her shoulder. Bill and I both think this is a good idea.

This was an opportunity to visit many of the churches we have wanted to visit, but difficult when you have pastoral responsibilities. So we plotted out a journey through a dozen or so churches, adding several more to our list as we went along.

We visited local churches, we visited far flung churches where the pastor was a friend, we visited start-up churches and long established churches. We visited churches in at least 6 different denominations ranging from “charismatic” to “main line”.

We heard some great sermons, some mediocre sermons (our opinion, of course) and a couple of sermons that made up want to get up and walk out (but we didn’t).

More interesting than the sermons was the reaction of the various congregations to our presence.

Last week Bill and I had an occasion to compare our reactions to those various congregations.

Hands down, no doubt, no comparison the most loving, the most inviting, the most genuine congregation was the church in Virginia that was trying to be a presence, to be a place of ministry, to the University of Virginia, in Charlottesville.

This congregation was multi-ethnic, multi-generational, multi-functional, and several more multis. We were warmly welcomed when we entered the sanctuary (a building no longer wanted by a different church). We were hugged after the service and stayed for nearly an hour talking to several people genuinely interested in us and our journey. They knew we would probably never be back but they embraced us anyway.

Our second favorite experience was the start-up congregation pastored by a dear friend (of a different denomination) whose ministry we have followed for 20 years (he was just a KID when we first got to know him).

Once again we were welcomed, embraced, folded into the congregational body – they certainly reflected our friend’s outgoing spirit – but it was more than just a reflection.

The rest of our experience was less than satisfying (with one exception). We visited several other start-up churches (reflecting three different denominations). One would expect these to be outgoing, encompassing, warm places just by the nature of the reason for their existence – BUT THEY WEREN’T. We felt like “outsiders” during our whole visit. If we had been seeking a new church home, if we had been seeking to find out who Christ is, what this “church thing” is all about, we would have left with our questions unanswered and probably never gone back, maybe even stopped searching.

We also visited several other well-established churches (because we knew the pastor) and the feeling of being an “outsider” was, perhaps, even more pronounced.

During the season of Advent Bill wanted to attend one church for the continuity of the season, the preaching, the experience. We chose a church close to us whose pastor is a friend and whose preaching makes our hearts sing.

We attended that church for six weeks, consecutively, and, other than two couples we knew previously, no one, NO ONE made an attempt to welcome us into the fold. It was almost as if we were invisible.

We also attended a local charismatic church. Charismatic by its very definition implies outgoing, engaging, compelling. Once again, however, we felt like outsiders and left knowing that we would never attend that church again.

The exception to all of the above was when Bill was invited to preach at a church he used to pastor. It was a homecoming like we have never before experienced. But, BUT, Bill had been the beloved pastor there, and we continue to have a relationship with many in that congregation.

So, we have been pondering what to do for the next five months, and what to do after these next five months, when we got The Phone Call.

“Hi, Dotti, this is Lorna.”

She is the new pastor of the church from which Bill retired. She is the pastor we are giving time to get adjusted.

Her call was to invite us, urge us, encourage us to return to the congregation. “Everyone wants you to come back.” We knew this already because every Christmas card, every chance meeting while shopping, even several phone calls wondered when we would be back.

Lorna assured me that she is feeling so comfortable, that this is such a “good fit” that our coming back won’t threaten her in any way.

And so…we went home.

It is good to be home, it is wonderful to be welcomed and loved and valued – but we are returning to what we already had at the time we left.

I am gravely concerned about the rest of our experience “out there”.

Jesus tells His disciples, not long before His arrest, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” As far back as the giving of the Law, the Jews were told to “welcome the stranger in your midst” and Jesus tells the crowd gathered that the “second commandment” is to “love your neighbor as yourself”.

We were overwhelmed by the lack of love we experienced. I know there are many, MANY churches out there who do show God’s love to all who come into their midst, but I fear there are even more churches who do not.

I fear that in many ways The Church in United States is becoming a cold, sterile, dead institution.

And I wonder, just as when the Jews wandered away from “loving God with their entire being” and this grieved God, is He not grieved today with what is happening in our country?