The Community of Caring

“How are the twins doing?” our neighbor asked as she walked across our lawn and sat on our patio…for the first time. “I will be praying.” She reminded us when she left half an hour later.

“I have been praying for the twins, how are they doing?” we are asked every week at church.

“You prayed so many times for me and my kids, now it is my turn to pray for you and the twins.” wrote a friend from a former church.

“Give us an update.” The neighbors from the other side asked as they joined us on the patio…another first after two years of being neighbors.

“I have been following Becki’s blog (www.preemiejourney.blogspot.com/) and am praying every day for the twins, wrote another friend in an email.

“I put Becki and the babies on the prayer chain at church.” Wrote a friend in a letter. So Becki, John, Ethan and the twins, were added to yet another church prayer chain – that made several Lutheran, a Methodist, a Congregational, a Catholic and a prayer chain at work - that we know about. Who knows how many other places that we don’t know about.

When it was confirmed that Becki was pregnant, and then it was confirmed that she was pregnant with twins, her doctor immediately put her into the high risk category – automatic for mothers in their 40s and doubly automatic when it is a “multiple” pregnancy. Becki grew so large so quickly that we all agreed it was only a matter of time before she would be put on bed-rest.

I began praying the day she told us about the babies that they would grow healthy and strong and stay in their “nest” as long as possible. I learned long ago, however, not to TELL God what to do, but to ask, leaving the bottom line in His hands.

When Becki told us that one twin was at the top of the “normal size for gestational age” and the other was at the bottom, my heart did a little flip flop. That just didn’t sound o.k. to me, but Becki’s doctor assured her that this was quite common.

Several weeks later, however, all our hearts did more than a little flip flop when Becki was told that “Baby A”, the smaller twin, had not grown since the last ultrasound.

She was admitted that day for complete bed rest in hopes that the placenta surrounding Baby A would begin to work more efficiently. Several days later Becki and John were faced with the horrific decision about what to do concerning their two babies. Should they give Baby A (perhaps) more of a fighting chance by removing both babies from the womb, but that would put Baby B at greater risk. Or should they leave the babies where they were to give Baby B more time to grow, knowing that this put Baby A at a great risk (perhaps).

I cannot even begin to imagine having to make this decision. My heart ached with them as they discussed and debated, and eventually decided to leave things as they were.

They faced this same (or similar) decision two more times and then at 28 weeks, when Baby B had a greater chance of doing well, the babies were delivered by C-Section.

Veronica (Roni) was born first - weighing 3 pounds, 6 ½ ozs and 16 ½ inches long. She yelled her outrage at being yanked into this world and took her first breaths.

Colin was born a minute later at 1 pound 7 ozs and only 12 ½ inches long. He also cried a bit and took a breath.

They were put into the same heated isolette with oxygen, ventilator, feeding tube and all sorts of monitors.

We held all let go of the breath we had been holding, and then took another deep breath to again hold as we waited through those first hours and days.

As of this writing Roni is off the ventilator, moved up two levels in the NICU, getting some of Becki’s milk at each feeding and generally doing well…for a 3 pound baby who now weighs about 4 pounds.

Colin’s story has been more up and down, he is still in the most intensive care part of the NICU and still on the ventilator, but hopefully they can soon move him off of that. Each day seems to have a bit more ups than downs, but there have been many downs. Even at now 2 pounds, he is so tiny it seems a miracle that he is even here.

And so when people ask, or write, or email, or phone we ask people to keep praying.

In Romans 12 Paul tells us “Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down.” (The Message).

Often we struggle with how to live out the Golden Rule. We can’t wrap our heads around how to love God with our whole being and, especially in these days of a global community, we spend a lifetime trying to figure out who our neighbor is and then what it means to love him/her as ourselves. But it seems, when it comes to caring about the pain of a family, our empathy level kicks in full force. Even for those who have never had children themselves.

It has been a journey so far, one of ups and downs, of fears and joys, of breath holding and releasing. It has also been a journey of great caring – of being cared for and cared about from the most unexpected places.

The journey isn’t over and neither is our growing through this experience.